What is Mediation?

Mediation is voluntary process where participants talk through a conflict with guidance from a third party in order to problem solve and find solutions to their confclit. Sessions will usually involve parties and the mediator meeting as a group. In some (usually higher conflict) cases the mediator may separate clients and move between them relaying messages, issues and ideas.

In a session, you will share your version of what is happening, discuss your needs and come up with potential solutions to your conflict. As a voluntary process, all parties must be bought into instituting the solutions that they find and agree to and your mediator will probably discuss contingencies and plans for if the agreed to plan is not followed.

The guiding theory of mediation is that solutions which are generated by participants are much more likely to provide long term solutions than solutions that are mandated by a third party such as a judge. Although I will make suggestions based on my expertise and/or provide some training and resources, the advandage of mediation is that you will control the agreements and solutions you come up with! 

To begin a mediation you will sign an agreement to mediate and then attend one or more 1.5-2 hour mediation sessions. Upon conclusion I will prepare an agreement for all parties to sign. In some cases parties will return to mediation after some time has passed if agreements need to be adjusted or negotiated further.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this therapy?

No, mediation is not therapy. In many cases parties will share information that feels vulnerable as part of helping others understand their needs, but this will not turn into psychoanalysis.

What should I bring to a divorce mediation?

To prepare for a divorce mediation you and your spouse should bring as much information as you have about:

  1. Bank and retirement accounts, both joint and individual

  2. Information about your cars value/what you owe on it/who’s name it is in

  3. If you have a mortgage, your balance and home value

  4. A list of home funsihings/other valuables that you may or may not want in the divorce

  5. If you have children, some information around your schedules and your children’s schedule

If you don’t have any or all of this it’s okay, but reviewing, preparing and thinking about your needs around these topics will be very helpful and save time!

What should I do to prepare for mediation in general?

I always recommend thinking through what the main issues are for you in this conflict and what your needs are to find closure. It’s also important to think a little about what is needed for others who may be involved but not present.

If you can, think through what your alternatives are if mediation does not work out. Will you have to go to court where a judge will decide a solution for you? If so is your case strong? Is that something you want to do or is avoiding court a priority? 

Finally think through where you might be willing to give up and what a good outcome might feel like. Even if you can’t come up with a solution, mediation may be a way to get creative and find new ideas for getting closure.

How long will mediation take?

For some cases, one session (about 2 hours) is enough to talk through the problem and find solutions that everyone can agree to. In other cases parties will come back for multiple sessions over the course of a few weeks or longer. As a mediator I will check in with parties to make sure that sessions are productive and moving in the right direction.

Do I need a lawyer?

If an agreement is going to be submitted to a court I do recommend that clients still retain a lawyer for help with preparing and or reviewing paperwork and court documents.

Can my lawyer come to the mediation?

In most cases I ask that only the parties attend mediation but for some cases having a lawyer present is expected, reasonable and helpful. If you are interested in bringing a lawyer or other support person to the mediation please make sure to let your mediator know so that all parties can agree to this before the mediation begins!

Is mediation confidential?

Yes, mediation even as part of the legal system is confidential unless otherwise specified. If mediation is court mandated I will let the court know details of an agreement or that an agreement could not be made. If an agreement is not made, I will not communicate what happened in the mediation or any details about the mediation, only that mediation was not successful.

I don’t feel safe being in the same space as the other party, is mediation right for me?

In cases where parties do not feel safe or there are other power imbalances, there may still be options for mediation that do not involve sharing a space. In other cases I may recommend that you avoid mediation and move towards finding legal representation.

Not all cases are right for a facilitated mediation! No matter what, I will do my best to help you find a conflict resolution approach that fits your needs. Do not hesitate to call me for a free consultation and we can make a plan that works for you.

If you are experiencing abuse you can find support in your area of Vermont through the Vermont Network: https://vtnetwork.org/get-help/

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